Monkey Wrench: Infinite Top Gear

golfing

The Volkswagen Mark Squared

Volkswagen’s infinite efficiency motor



It


all started out with a simple idea; improve the performance of a motor over its service cycle.
Seals seat, passages become worn properly, and gas mileage improves.
But then it went wrong.

220px-Einstein_tongue The laws of thermodynamics and even Einstein’s famous equation
tH~po “Tounge+Hair=photo op” had to be blithely dismissed.

*As we ask our more learned readers to also dismiss many ‘laws’ of physics
that you think may apply. This ain’t NASA.gov.
-ed


1984
Volkswagen introduced the “MK2” series of Golfs and Jettas. But with a new upgrade to the standard 1.8L motor from the previous model.

Very upgrade.
With every mile traveled, the engine’s power was increasing. A type of thermal efficiency not seen since about .00000001 millisecond into the Big Bang. That kinda stuff. The earlier VW Quantum was almost as good, but you could never find it in the parking lot.(rimshot)

1992
At this point, the vehicles had been out for a few years. The efficiency was, indeed improving. Even automotive journalists had figured out this strange phenomenon with the Mark Squared VWs. Here is former TG presenter Quentin Willison, just before his breakthrough role in Air Con.


According to Top Gear, VW MK2 GTis gain 1/64th a mile per 60,000 miles of usage from new.

Truthers
There are some engineers who propose that this is caused by engine components needing to properly seat in the low-mileage motor, and with proper break-in, performance would improve, but just to a certain point, not infinity. These engineers were boring. They now work in the brake department.

What This Means
Every mile that a VW Golf MK2 is operated, efficiency of the motor is increased by .0064/mile. This bit of maths is buried in the review. We found it, dug it up, attached electrodes and went with it.
dyno
The figures don’t lie. The captions do.


Reaction
Even VW’s advertising attempted to warn consumers of the runaway efficiency. 17% increase in power over “before“, perhaps the last time you started the vehicle? This adds up.


Eventually, though, even the engineer’s brilliant brake system, which could stop the moon in orbit if applied to it, was not enough. At a point in the vehicle’s wear cycle, an over-unity is achieved, and efficiency is beyond all known man-made transport.
2208936723_41e6afd1ff
Attempts to label the phenomenon as “Fahrvergnügen” just led to confusion.
VW later attempted to compensate for this increase in power by adding a shaft and rear transmission in order to diffuse this exponentially expanding HP efficiency. This didn’t help.
golfsk

Greateriest mystery
It is still a great mystery as to why engineers had neglected to put a efficiency limiter into the system, but an even greater one as to why they Really Developed A Four Wheel Drive System and didn’t market it. They coulda taken Subaru’s thunder. Maybe that move to the brake department was a bad idea.


2008
Top Gear revisited this story, eventually a crapped out 1986 model was found idling in a velodrome where the owner had abandoned it.

There was only one driver they could trust with this sort of power.


Accordign to the internet, a Stig test is one of the last stages before the efficiency overwhelms our current public road system.

glfshtonmoonSpace agencies are now using Golfs for satellite launches. Former owners are given this statue in lieu of proper compensation.disclaimer

Original Xbox to ‘Timer Jamma Interface’ that’s not Jamma

xbox jamma annotated

 

– JAMMA PINOUT –

Below is the basic overall pinout charting
of the JAMMA arcade cabinet interface connector.
This is the universe
connector, located inside a JAMMA Arcade Cabinet, which is compatible
with all arcade game boards labeled as JAMMA…

However, the Xbox ‘Jamma’ adapter varies a bit.
In order to get all the buttons working you’re going to have to either mod the cabinet wiring or the jamma board output.
Jammaboards sells a breakout board if you want to make a plug and play solution. Either way your cabinet will ‘need’ more buttons. than stock if yer gonna run a xbox. repurpose a operator interface or something.

JAMMA TO XBOX ADAPTER PINOUT

Solder Side
Solder XB
Parts XB
Parts Side
GROUND
A
GND
GND
1
GROUND
GROUND
B
GND
GND
2
GROUND
+5VDC
C
3
+5VDC
+5VDC
D
4
+5VDC
-5VDC
E
5
-5VDC
+12VDC
F
12V+
12V+
6
+12VDC
KEY SLOT
H
7
KEY SLOT
COIN COUNTER #2
J
8
COIN COUNTER #1
LOCK OUT COIL #2
K
9
LOCK OUT COIL #1
SPEAKER (-)
L
AUD –
AUD +
10
SPEAKER (+)
N/C
M
2P K9
1P K9
11
N/C
VIDEO GREEN
N
GREEN
RED
12
VIDEO RED
VIDEO SYNC
P
SYNC
BLUE
13
VIDEO BLUE
SERVICE SWITCH
R
MENU K
VID GND
14
VIDEO GROUND
TILT (SLAM) SWITCH
S
2P K8
1P K8
15
TEST SWITCH
COIN SWITCH #2
T
2P COIN
1P COIN
16
COIN SWITCH #1
PLAYER 2 – START
U
2P ST
1P ST
17
PLAYER 1 – START
PLAYER 2 – UP
V
2P UP
1P UP
18
PLAYER 1 – UP
PLAYER 2 – DOWN
W
2P DN
1P DN
19
PLAYER 1 – DOWN
PLAYER 2 – LEFT
X
2P LT
1P LT
20
PLAYER 1 – LEFT
PLAYER 2 – RIGHT
Y
2P RT
1P RT
21
PLAYER 1 – RIGHT
PLAYER 2 – BUTTON 1
Z
2P K1
1P K1
22
PLAYER 1 – BUTTON 1
PLAYER 2 – BUTTON 2
a
2P K2
1P K2
23
PLAYER 1 – BUTTON 2
PLAYER 2 – BUTTON 3
b
2P K3
1P K3
24
PLAYER 1 – BUTTON 3
N/C
c
2P K4
1P K4
25
N/C
N/C
d
2P K5
1P K5
26
N/C
GROUND
e
2P K6
1P K6
27
GROUND
GROUND
f
2P K7
1P K7
28
GROUND
The aux wire harness was added to many games because 14 buttons and 8 axis controls was just. not. enough. More buttons. punch combos.
My Galaga still only goes left-right. Start. Fire. But this is not that cabinet.


AUXILLARY WIRE HARNESS 10 PIN
GND 1 BLACK GND 2 BLACK

1P K4 3 PURPLE 2P K4 7 ORANGE
1P K5 4 GRAY 2P K5 8 GREEN
1P K8 5 WHITE 2P K6 9 BLUE

N.C. 6 AIR N.C. 10 AIR

SUB HARNESS
9PIN

(P1)K3 K4 K5 K6 GND
(P2)K3 K4 K5 K6
8+GND

(P1)K7 K8 K9 NC GND
(P2)K7 K8 K9 NC
6+GND

SLAM TEST SERVICE NC GND
COIN1 COIN2 (RESET) (RESET-)
8+GND

LOCKCOIL1 LOCKCOIL2 XBR XBP
VOLin volOUT

(HOT)( XBOX POER,RESET)
4 + GND (hOT!)

Ground: Move cabinet control grounds to pin 1/2.
K4-9/P1-P2: Ensure wires are not being used for grounds or populated.

There are a total of 13 leads to check.
Optional mod: move K4-6 P1/P2 to 10 pin harness conn
leaving K7-K9 P1/P2 to button leads. (side?)

JAMMA Definitions from someone else
(so you know they’re reliable)

First starting
with the ‘SOLDER SIDE’ and ‘PARTS SIDE’. These terms just reference to
which side of the arcade JAMMA board the connector is on. Such as the
SOLDER SIDE refers to the row of pins on the solder side of the board,
usually without any visible parts – only solder connections. The PARTS
SIDE then would be the row of pins that are on the side of the arcade
board with all the parts (IC’s, resistors, caps, etc.).

Also, the terms N/C throughout the connector just a shortened term for NO CONNECTION.

 

Power Sections: (Pins A-F, 1-6, e, f, 27, 28)

Most of the first
connections listed on the pinout chart are directly wired from the
arcade cabinets power supply. The main power connections you will always
need is the Ground, +5VDC, and the +12VDC. Some arcade game boards
(Such as boards by Midway) will require the -5VDC connected from the
power supply as well.

It is very important that
you check in on your power supply voltages every once in a while. If
your power supply voltage drifts over time (Since some arcade cabinets
are 20+ years old, there can be some very old power supplies around.),
the supply +5VDC too high (Such as 5.20VDC or more) can greatly increase
the chance of damage to your board!

 

Video Sections: (Pins N, P, 13-15)

All these connections are
connected directly up to the cabinets monitor. All signals (Red, Blue,
Green, and Sync) are generated on the arcade game board and displayed
on the monitor of course. The arcade monitor requires a Ground signal to
reference all the other signals off of. If your building an adapter to
convert a non-jamma arcade game board to be able to play in your JAMMA
arcade cabinet, be sure that if there is no Video ground on the
non-JAMMA board then jumper over the regular ground into the Video
ground spot.

 

Coin Sections: (Pins J, K, T, 8, 9, 16)

The Coin Switches are
usually connected directly to the coin mechanisms (coin-mechs) which
detect and trigger when a coin/token is inserted into the machine. The
board will detect the coin inserted from a GROUND single that is
triggered at the coin-mech.

The Coin Lockouts are
optional connections. Some board games can detect when there is a
problem with the board itself. To prevent anyone from losing a quarter
down the coin slot when there is a problem, the Coin Lockout lines are
activated which will energize a lockout coil. The coil will
automatically bypass any coins inserted directly to the eject tray where
you can get your quarter back.

The Coin Counters are
sometimes used, if there is an actual counter located inside the arcade
cabinet. They will just ‘count’ how many coins have been inserted
through the coin shoot.

 

Joystick / Controller Sections: (Pins V-Y, 18-21)

Basic directions of UP,
DOWN, LEFT, and RIGHT. When the Joystick/Controller is pushed in a
specific direction, such as UP, the controller will trigger the ‘up’
microswitch which will put a GROUND signal on the UP wire.

 

Button Sections: (Pins V-Y, 18-21)

All the buttons basically
work like the joystick controllers would. When the button is pushed, the
downward motion will trigger a microswitch attached to the bottom of
the button. The one side of the microswitch will always be connected to
GROUND, so when the microswitch is triggered the GROUND signal will be
put on the corresponding button wire.

The standard JAMMA pinout
connection just uses 3 buttons per player, but if connecting a Neo Geo
board (JAMMA) it will use pins c & 25 for the Neo’s button 4.

 

Other Sections:

SPEAKER (-) & (+)
connections route the sound generated on the arcade board up to the
cabinets speaker. This is just a standard MONO signal to only one 8-ohm
speaker.

TILT (SLAM) SWITCH
connection is sometimes used inside arcade cabinets to detect when the
player is getting a little to ‘rough’ with the machine. It might either
sound an alarm for the game room attendant, or display a warning on the
machine to the player.

The TEST SWITCH will
active when a ground is applied on the test switch wire. If the arcade
board you have connected uses the ‘TEST’ function, it will usually
activate a test function that checks the on-board circuits/ROM’s/etc.

The SERVICE SWITCH is just
like the Test switch, except it will usually enter the internal board
settings similar to a computers BIOS.

The KEY SLOT is a way to
polarize the actual connector itself. This prevents the JAMMA PCB from
being installed backwards in the JAMMA connector.

 

 

 
 

 

Optional Extras

Normally with electronics there’s a few blank areas but for the most part the board is made as cheap as possible substituting quality over quantity..

The hidden harness

In the production of automobiles, the wiring harness is the vehicles central nervous system. Even moreso these days with abs ECUs and whatnot.
This is not their story.
We’re talking basic 90s and earlier.

The car makers put a harness in there that covers all options, even sometimes options that could never be used on that vehicle configuration. In theory.

In this case, a 85 Subaru Brat
Wherein the rear wiper and defrost switches from a wagon have been added.

There is also that issue of warning lights for rear doors and hatch.

Socket hockey
Well, open up your dash cover etc
And what’s all these plugs not going to anything? Right around the defrost switch area there should be one of those mystery plugs. It might look like the one from the wagon but verify wire colors on the schematic.

Forgot about the schematic. Yeah. Get one for your make model and year. Earlier if you can’t find exact.. the dna of later wiring is usually apparent.

When the rear defrost switch, now connected, is activated, the dash light and gauge lamp are lit.

What else? Somewhere in the car there’s a unused plug that now has 12v .

Front/rear wiper switch: same deal.

Three new factory made switch functions. Three vehicle status indicators. (For instance, magnetic switches on a camper top window could mimic the hatch )

Not done yet..

Do not cut wires!
Learn how to pop connector leads out, modify as needed.
Of course if you’re working from spares then plot away.

image

This is a starter switch. It uses standard space connectors. All Hollywood movies feature pre-stripped wires that require only a breif shorting to make the car work.

Quirky ignition switch? Pop the rear wiper lugs out of the connector. Find equivalent function on ignition switch. Swap and reassemble.

Now your car will start using the wiper switch. It also now requires a key, not only for the steering lock that no Hollywood stolen car has..
But to operate the wipers.

The wiper switch is not made for that kind of thing, but you could always use relays for those high amp foolery..

image

Augmentation compilation pt. 2: mutant foilage

Insects are neat creatures. The colors of flowers stand out like velvet Elvis in a head shop. So it is with some perplexion as to what natural instinct is sated by such things as
image

Color changing LED flower assortment.
(Or dragonflies. a plethora even)
So we can mess with the bees? They got problems enough without turning a garden into a rave.

Try me now! Press button. A little pack of 1.5v batteries lights em up. Cool.

The test button is connected via removable pins that go good with pin-based technologies. As well as things requiring 4.5v.

As it has a waterproof holder for AA batteries, going to a voltage regulator that cycles output 2.5v-4.3v. ..
Why? Because the multi color leds
Have only two leads..

The color is voltage dependent. Multiple filaments or such things of wizards.

Neat.

Remove flowers. Save for diffused light project sources
Remove green ring connecting led case to flower. Paint in that neat metal reflective paint. More light!

The neat thing about modern led lamp strings is all the nice cases and wires. But when one can put the lamps directly in dash lamp holes with no mods, well..

image


“The speed of light is only limited to what you define light as being.”

A series of photon tubes.
Common Mistake: wrong voltage for the LED.
Second mistake: resistor to help said voltage.
Third: raising and lowering voltage to vary brightness.

Some of these are correct in some situations. If at the end of the day its not on fire (note: they just kinda smolder)
And it works to your satisfaction great.
But if you only have x leds you don’t need attrition.

Pulse width modulation
Remember trying to get to the bed before the light went out after flipping the wall switch. Difficult but possible with photonic interference patterns and a trebuchet.. but the point is that interval is an average of on and off. Speed up slow down it gets brighter or dimmer.
This is happening so fast you hardly notice it..
Except those caddies with the led tail lamps that trigger flashbacks..

So the “voltage regulator” from the lamps is not reducing voltage, its just blinking. A lot.

Not sure how helpful but is clarification.

Continue.

Turbo boost: make an 80s dash more like the 80s if blue leds were affordable then. Part of party 3.

Augmented lighting on a budget pt 1: voltages

image

Welcome.
First off the line is a $1 dual USB charger from the $1 store.
Do Not Trust Really Vital Things With This

Maybe the idea is to have such a thin ground wire to act as the fuse.

Or Perhaps
I’m not entirely sold on the concept of the fuse spring.

$1 USB car adapter
Remove casing. Note red black 5v  going to second USB port.

Remove fuse spring for 12v.
Yes, fuse spring.
image

Desolder red(!)  ground wire

Insert proper gauge wire for connecting to 12v source. Fuse optional.

Test that it works. Cool.
Remove power
Desolder second USB red black
(Polarity on PCB regardless)
Run different output 4.5-5v line.

If you need USB something well there’s a jack. Our need here is reliable 4.8v.

Add data lines to the PCB USB if you are going for more than charging.. but if you screw it up..

Test again. Cool.

Options:
Run 4.5 v line infinite distances (subject to Ohms Annoying Rules Of Conducting Vitality) and reconnect that extra USB jack.
Seal as deemed necessary.

But we’re not here for that.
Just that juicy 4.68v for

Chintzy lawn decor: mutant radioactive flowers or parts bin?
All coming up in part two. Which in the ingenious way WordPress works, was the previous article. Scroll up.