Category Archives: Comedy

Deadpool 3: Season of the itch

Sequels often have the unique progressively more difficult problem of resolving the issues the previous screenwriter had devised in in hopes of ending the franchise, but rarely are they cast as the villain.

By this time, of course, whatever is going to be “2″ is writ.

This is the explotative pitch for 3. Of course, like any franchise licensee, I’ve not researched, aka “read”, the IP, “Deadpool comic book”.

Nor do I have any awareness of the plot, characters, runtime or any other information about the second film other than the likely appearance of the character “Deadpool” who I guess is like wolverine wearing a spider suit or something.


Villians speed away as Deadpool is standing on a school bus bumper. The bus is teetering, but the kids and the driver are making their way out.

“Okay, everybody off the bus?
Watch this, kids,
I always wanted to do this,
that’s why they put me on the short bus.”

The bus will not budge after he jumps up on down on the bumper, reminiscent of the cartoons of a struggling Wile E. Coyote versus the basic physics of gravity. Instead of looking cool as the bus dramatically falls off the bridge. the kids are laughing.

A tow truck backs up and they start winching the bus to a safe recovery. Deadpool walks down the bridge, trying to figure out what just happened.

BUDGET: Meanwhile a Airplane-style background scene is occurring as the tow truck operator and others flee as the bus does finally fall off, dragging the tow truck and a few fire engines. He’s oblivious to all this mayhem.
NO BUDGET: Continue walking to next paragraph.

“Hmm.. Somebody’s #$(#$ing with my reality. Who’s the most powerful reality-bender around here? chucky? magnetite? Stan Lee?”



He then breaks into the screenwriter’s house. Yep, they left it logged in.

The actual villain doesn’t matter now, it could be anything he wants..

Goes full Neo world manipulation and wants dance rave music for the next half hour.

For the next half hour dance rave music is continuously played at annoying volume. There’s a glitch in the loop and eventually DP smashes the record, upsetting Deadpool who was really getting into it.

Who are the characters around here anyway?,

he said to the director sweeping up the remnants of the record.

It’s called scripting, it’s not like normal narrative.

I would have to agree.

I’m liking this take and we’re out of records to smash.

The director looks at the camera, pulls out a clapboard

and.. cut


The writer’s walls are covered with classic Marvel comics carefully manipulated to express the timeelines shown in the films. And there, a set of boxes containing the complete Marvel series.

Fixing up a big stack of PB&J, DP starts LOL.


He has taken the various comics and torn characters (in a montage not unlike the Marvel Bumper) and assembled a team. Stuck on the table with the peanut butter.

[C/U DOORKNOB ON FRONT DOOR] The door opens, our healthy svelte and attractive writer has arrived home from helping orphans develop their own solar electric companies. Volunteer of course. They are such wonderful people once you learn to avoid asking what happened


I told you to knock first mah.

Oh my.. are you writing fan fiction? You don’t know what you’re messing with! Those lawyers are brutal

Hell no, I just write fan fiction about how fucked up Mayberry would be with Barney in charge.
This is just research.. I’m more a 60’s Adam West comic book show kind of guy..


oh shit. We definitely can’t use that.


Deadpool looks out window. whoa..

The more this rant looks like a script the more powerful
it becomes. Only by your lazy writing style did you
avoid total immolation of the plot!

I’m impressed. I tried using the tab key but it kept opening up your
arctic seal pornography folder..

That’s private.
Wait, how did you do that?

Simple, idiot, someone else is writing this scene.

Both characters look at camera.
Didn’t we already use this joke?

Just shut up.. writers..

COMING SOON V/O and various corporate Flairs.

Bad time at the robot circus

it’s strange they way they do computer systems these days, some expert comes into an an area and installs a sophisticated network that connects back to the ‘mothership’ centeral office to manage all the transactions and dole out the hours and boxes of frozen fries.

I generally know computers so I go around fixing these things. just basic stuff, someone breaks a panel cover, regular maintenance, upgrades for the latest wireless box to draw customers into the building to do their virtual tasks.

The Managers are there for human relations, fixing a misfiled order, fire the stoner and rehire them a week later for paperwork. The computer is a monolith to not be touched and any sort of strange person may show up under authorization from the Main Company(tm) to mess with the wires and then the internet works again, that’s all they worry about.

So I get this listing, aninimatronic recalibration, priority one, and a great hourly rate. Had to go for it.

Amusement parks are strange things. I am of the theory that some of the mysteries of the ancient world are possibly just their civilization’s equivalent to a disneyland resort park. It’ s just what got left over. But that’s not the point.

Instead of everyone traveling to Florida or California, this company (confidentiality agreement) had decided to branch out into miniature automated versions of their theme park. But after a merger of their film properties, the theme parks were expanded to include elements of those films.

Apparently an operator had loaded the wrong programs into all the Bozos.


Monkeys @ The Movies: Raja aur Ranchoi

The Planet of The Apes: India Today’s monkey- biased entertainment comes courtesy of India, who has has adventures of monkeys running armies and talking and born from gods and all sorts of mischief..

This is not that story. Nor the one from that gif over there.

Yeah, look at it.

This is what happens when an entire generation is raised on dubbed 70s detective programs.

And musicals.. Perhaps a bit of ALF in there as well.

Plot Summary
There’s this guy. He’s in a wheelchair. He’s nice.
He has a monkey who helps him.
The monkey, by default, is nice.
Then there’s the other guy. He likes to shoot bottles.
He really dug Baretta but monkeys are cheaper than parrots,
although equal chances of shoulder urination.

Did the monkey do it, or is he truly Helpful?

Everybody’s got something to hide except for helper monkey.

The nice guy was probably put in a wheelchair years ago by an offscreen villain.

The helper monkey knows crime drama. He watched Monk, thanks to Tivo. Miniature Hawaiian shirts don’t hurt the look.

People not the monkey

90% sure that the bottle-shooting guy is his son. Not the monkey, the guy in the wheelchair. As with all proper tv detective series, relatives are immune to all accusations of crime. Also, it’s perfectly okey dokey to keep your gun next to the cordless phone.

Default: misunderstood, now nice but don’t bring up the past..

Because the past has no monkey.

This is a show about a detective played by bottle-shooter with a monkey who helps solve crimes..

What do you think happened?

Raja aur Rango: Part 1, Chapter 1: Helper monkey loses his job.

[spoiler] Crime. [/spoiler]

Shocking last-second reveal
There’s at least 19 of these episodes. That’s a lot of shoulder drying.

This article has been rated Willis by the Primate Pronoun Participants. Count: 12

Chimpan news

There’s this ape-centric show in Japan called “Chimpan News Channel”..
It’s a talk show- the chimp speaks Japanese, so I don’t know what he’s saying 😉

Hosted by a very smart pair, the chimp and his trainer.
Because you gotta be good at your stuff to get this sequence done:

I’ve seen dumber gardeners without that much improvisational skill.
He’s pretty smart. May take over the place some day..

Marvelous Hairy

a novel by mark a rayner, pirate monkey enthusiast.

“In chapter one, we learn about the Cult of the Claw, and why you never let psychotic psychiatrists perform your marriage ceremony.”
Marvelous Hairy book
This is the first podcast of immersive simian fiction I’ve reviewed this year, and is not yet complete, so I can’t tell you yet how many monkeys are in it. So far it is impressing me as a delightful romp into fear and loathing of normalcy, extreme chemical romances and zen twisted in its side.

Of course, by episode 3 it could become dull, tepid and uninteresting. Unless they put in more monkeys! that would fix anything. We shall see.

Meanwhile, go over there and catch up. Audio, or printio.
This printio thing, it’s new wave. It’s like, the script for the
whole thing before he like, records it. Cool!

Marvelous Hairy podcaste parte one

or get the book.