Category Archives: Sci-Fi

Monkey Wrench: Infinite Top Gear


The Volkswagen Mark Squared

Volkswagen’s infinite efficiency motor


all started out with a simple idea; improve the performance of a motor over its service cycle.
Seals seat, passages become worn properly, and gas mileage improves.
But then it went wrong.

220px-Einstein_tongue The laws of thermodynamics and even Einstein’s famous equation
tH~po “Tounge+Hair=photo op” had to be blithely dismissed.

*As we ask our more learned readers to also dismiss many ‘laws’ of physics
that you think may apply. This ain’t

Volkswagen introduced the “MK2” series of Golfs and Jettas. But with a new upgrade to the standard 1.8L motor from the previous model.

Very upgrade.
With every mile traveled, the engine’s power was increasing. A type of thermal efficiency not seen since about .00000001 millisecond into the Big Bang. That kinda stuff. The earlier VW Quantum was almost as good, but you could never find it in the parking lot.(rimshot)

At this point, the vehicles had been out for a few years. The efficiency was, indeed improving. Even automotive journalists had figured out this strange phenomenon with the Mark Squared VWs. Here is former TG presenter Quentin Willison, just before his breakthrough role in Air Con.

According to Top Gear, VW MK2 GTis gain 1/64th a mile per 60,000 miles of usage from new.

There are some engineers who propose that this is caused by engine components needing to properly seat in the low-mileage motor, and with proper break-in, performance would improve, but just to a certain point, not infinity. These engineers were boring. They now work in the brake department.

What This Means
Every mile that a VW Golf MK2 is operated, efficiency of the motor is increased by .0064/mile. This bit of maths is buried in the review. We found it, dug it up, attached electrodes and went with it.
The figures don’t lie. The captions do.

Even VW’s advertising attempted to warn consumers of the runaway efficiency. 17% increase in power over “before“, perhaps the last time you started the vehicle? This adds up.

Eventually, though, even the engineer’s brilliant brake system, which could stop the moon in orbit if applied to it, was not enough. At a point in the vehicle’s wear cycle, an over-unity is achieved, and efficiency is beyond all known man-made transport.
Attempts to label the phenomenon as “Fahrvergn├╝gen” just led to confusion.
VW later attempted to compensate for this increase in power by adding a shaft and rear transmission in order to diffuse this exponentially expanding HP efficiency. This didn’t help.

Greateriest mystery
It is still a great mystery as to why engineers had neglected to put a efficiency limiter into the system, but an even greater one as to why they Really Developed A Four Wheel Drive System and didn’t market it. They coulda taken Subaru’s thunder. Maybe that move to the brake department was a bad idea.

Top Gear revisited this story, eventually a crapped out 1986 model was found idling in a velodrome where the owner had abandoned it.

There was only one driver they could trust with this sort of power.

Accordign to the internet, a Stig test is one of the last stages before the efficiency overwhelms our current public road system.

glfshtonmoonSpace agencies are now using Golfs for satellite launches. Former owners are given this statue in lieu of proper compensation.disclaimer

To prevent spoilers, use proper labelling

From the Unreleased happy meal toy for Rise of the Planet of the Apes,
an increasingly complex movie plot and title.
“An instant classic!” Raves some.
“Companies with ape-related names have been reluctant to cash in on the movie..”
. Not us!

A handy label for your water bottle: Good for keeping brain serum fresh.

And a handy water bottle for your label: That you can buy.

I promise you the details have nothing to do with the movie. I suggest you verify this.

The Master Key, an Electrical Fairy Tale

I realized this particular entry was not particularly very good. Okay, here’s the rant. Movie sequels. lots of sequels. Meanwhile, there’s lots of original stories by major authors for the reading, and most are public domain so you can start writing your screenplay, get a webcam and ruin it yourself!

Cultural reference

You’ve heard of The Wizard of Oz? The author, Frank Baum, wrote more than that..

Well, he wrote sequels to that (contradicting my comment in the previous paragraph) and other entirely different stories.
One hidden context not readily apparent is that Baum was often making sly references to economic and political conditions of the time.
Not sure where the metaphor for the flying monkeys has its equivalent in politics, but maybe bill collectors.

Time Warp, again.

Anyhow, within the adventure, you get to read a story from 1909 that presents:

A portable pocket device 4 x 6, metal backed, that would enable real-time and stored visual images.
A electrical device designed to ‘harmlessly’ disable an opponent with electrical shock.
An antigravity device.
A lie detector.

So, stop wasting time reading this tripe, go get some good readings!

The Master Key, an Electrical Fairy Tale Founded Upon the Mysteries of Electricity – Project Gutenberg.