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Deadpool 3: Season of the itch

Sequels often have the unique progressively more difficult problem of resolving the issues the previous screenwriter had devised in in hopes of ending the franchise, but rarely are they cast as the villain.

By this time, of course, whatever is going to be “2″ is writ.

This is the explotative pitch for 3. Of course, like any franchise licensee, I’ve not researched, aka “read”, the IP, “Deadpool comic book”.

Nor do I have any awareness of the plot, characters, runtime or any other information about the second film other than the likely appearance of the character “Deadpool” who I guess is like wolverine wearing a spider suit or something.

[EXT CITY]

Villians speed away as Deadpool is standing on a school bus bumper. The bus is teetering, but the kids and the driver are making their way out.

DEADPOOL
“Okay, everybody off the bus?
Watch this, kids,
I always wanted to do this,
that’s why they put me on the short bus.”

The bus will not budge after he jumps up on down on the bumper, reminiscent of the cartoons of a struggling Wile E. Coyote versus the basic physics of gravity. Instead of looking cool as the bus dramatically falls off the bridge. the kids are laughing.

A tow truck backs up and they start winching the bus to a safe recovery. Deadpool walks down the bridge, trying to figure out what just happened.

BUDGET: Meanwhile a Airplane-style background scene is occurring as the tow truck operator and others flee as the bus does finally fall off, dragging the tow truck and a few fire engines. He’s oblivious to all this mayhem.
NO BUDGET: Continue walking to next paragraph.

“Hmm.. Somebody’s #$(#$ing with my reality. Who’s the most powerful reality-bender around here? chucky? magnetite? Stan Lee?”

apes


[INT SCREWWNWRITER’S APARTMENT] WHAT THE HE

He then breaks into the screenwriter’s house. Yep, they left it logged in.

The actual villain doesn’t matter now, it could be anything he wants..

Goes full Neo world manipulation and wants dance rave music for the next half hour.

For the next half hour dance rave music is continuously played at annoying volume. There’s a glitch in the loop and eventually DP smashes the record, upsetting Deadpool who was really getting into it.

DEADPOOL
Who are the characters around here anyway?,

he said to the director sweeping up the remnants of the record.

DIRECTOR
It’s called scripting, it’s not like normal narrative.

I would have to agree.

DIRECTOR
I’m liking this take and we’re out of records to smash.

The director looks at the camera, pulls out a clapboard

DIRECTOR
and.. cut

[INT SCREWWITHERS APARTMETN LIVING ROOM]

The writer’s walls are covered with classic Marvel comics carefully manipulated to express the timeelines shown in the films. And there, a set of boxes containing the complete Marvel series.

Fixing up a big stack of PB&J, DP starts LOL.

[INT SCREENWRITER’S APARTMENT] WHERE DID THAT GUY GO ANYWAY

[PAN RIGHT TO REVEAL]
DEADPOOL’S DIORAMA OF HEROAMA
He has taken the various comics and torn characters (in a montage not unlike the Marvel Bumper) and assembled a team. Stuck on the table with the peanut butter.

[C/U DOORKNOB ON FRONT DOOR] The door opens, our healthy svelte and attractive writer has arrived home from helping orphans develop their own solar electric companies. Volunteer of course. They are such wonderful people once you learn to avoid asking what happened

[CUT TO FLOURESCENT NIGHMARE SEQUENCE]
[CUT BACK TO SCENE]

Deadpool;:
I told you to knock first mah.

Writer
Oh my.. are you writing fan fiction? You don’t know what you’re messing with! Those lawyers are brutal

Deadpool:
Hell no, I just write fan fiction about how fucked up Mayberry would be with Barney in charge.
This is just research.. I’m more a 60’s Adam West comic book show kind of guy..

CAMERA TILTS 15 DEGREES

Deadpool
oh shit. We definitely can’t use that.

DEADPOOL TILTS CAMERA BACK TO LEVEL

[EXT STORM CLOUDS GATHER AROUND THE APARTMENT COMPLEX]
[INT WINDOW]
Deadpool looks out window. whoa..

Writer:
The more this rant looks like a script the more powerful
it becomes. Only by your lazy writing style did you
avoid total immolation of the plot!

Deadpool:
I’m impressed. I tried using the tab key but it kept opening up your
arctic seal pornography folder..

Writer:
That’s private.
Wait, how did you do that?

Deadpool:
Simple, idiot, someone else is writing this scene.

Both characters look at camera.
[DURING SLOW FADE]
Deadpool:
Didn’t we already use this joke?

Director:
Just shut up.. writers..

subtitle
COMING SOON V/O and various corporate Flairs.

© Buggery



Regarding the (Project) images, in accordance with our Intellectual Property Rights Policy, Gregory D. Phillips,
on behalf of Volkswagen of America, Inc. provided us with a notice stating that the use of images bearing the
distinctive shape of the Classic and New Volkswagen vehicles, the VW Emblem and/or other VW trademarks and trade
dress infringes upon their intellectual property rights (trademark/copyright).

Accordingly, we have set the content that is alleged to infringe the rights of the third party to “pending status” which
disables said content from being displayed in your shop or purchased by the public. You may review the content set to
pending status by logging into your (online printing company).com account and clicking on the “Media Basket” link.
The content set to pending status will be located in a “pending images” folder, which can be accessed via the pull-down
menu bar on the left hand side.

If you believe that you hold the rights to the content alleged to infringe the rights of the third party,
we encourage you to contact the alleged rights holder directly for a resolution to this matter.
Below please find the contact information for the party alleging infringement.

Law offices of Howard, Phillips & Andersen
Gregory Phillips
560 East 200 South, Suite 300
Salt Lake City, UT 84102
801.366.7471

Summary: it is a violation of a trademaerk to depict a vehicle one owns because I have only been leased a trademark license to have their distinctive shape in my driveway and other locations (eventually).
And I was going to use the profits to pay for the parts to fix it. Oh well.