Deadpool 3: Season of the itch

Sequels often have the unique progressively more difficult problem of resolving the issues the previous screenwriter had devised in in hopes of ending the franchise, but rarely are they cast as the villain.

By this time, of course, whatever is going to be “2″ is writ.

This is the explotative pitch for 3. Of course, like any franchise licensee, I’ve not researched, aka “read”, the IP, “Deadpool comic book”.

Nor do I have any awareness of the plot, characters, runtime or any other information about the second film other than the likely appearance of the character “Deadpool” who I guess is like wolverine wearing a spider suit or something.

[EXT CITY]

Villians speed away as Deadpool is standing on a school bus bumper. The bus is teetering, but the kids and the driver are making their way out.

DEADPOOL
“Okay, everybody off the bus?
Watch this, kids,
I always wanted to do this,
that’s why they put me on the short bus.”

The bus will not budge after he jumps up on down on the bumper, reminiscent of the cartoons of a struggling Wile E. Coyote versus the basic physics of gravity. Instead of looking cool as the bus dramatically falls off the bridge. the kids are laughing.

A tow truck backs up and they start winching the bus to a safe recovery. Deadpool walks down the bridge, trying to figure out what just happened.

BUDGET: Meanwhile a Airplane-style background scene is occurring as the tow truck operator and others flee as the bus does finally fall off, dragging the tow truck and a few fire engines. He’s oblivious to all this mayhem.
NO BUDGET: Continue walking to next paragraph.

“Hmm.. Somebody’s #$(#$ing with my reality. Who’s the most powerful reality-bender around here? chucky? magnetite? Stan Lee?”

apes


[INT SCREWWNWRITER’S APARTMENT] WHAT THE HE

He then breaks into the screenwriter’s house. Yep, they left it logged in.

The actual villain doesn’t matter now, it could be anything he wants..

Goes full Neo world manipulation and wants dance rave music for the next half hour.

For the next half hour dance rave music is continuously played at annoying volume. There’s a glitch in the loop and eventually DP smashes the record, upsetting Deadpool who was really getting into it.

DEADPOOL
Who are the characters around here anyway?,

he said to the director sweeping up the remnants of the record.

DIRECTOR
It’s called scripting, it’s not like normal narrative.

I would have to agree.

DIRECTOR
I’m liking this take and we’re out of records to smash.

The director looks at the camera, pulls out a clapboard

DIRECTOR
and.. cut

[INT SCREWWITHERS APARTMETN LIVING ROOM]

The writer’s walls are covered with classic Marvel comics carefully manipulated to express the timeelines shown in the films. And there, a set of boxes containing the complete Marvel series.

Fixing up a big stack of PB&J, DP starts LOL.

[INT SCREENWRITER’S APARTMENT] WHERE DID THAT GUY GO ANYWAY

[PAN RIGHT TO REVEAL]
DEADPOOL’S DIORAMA OF HEROAMA
He has taken the various comics and torn characters (in a montage not unlike the Marvel Bumper) and assembled a team. Stuck on the table with the peanut butter.

[C/U DOORKNOB ON FRONT DOOR] The door opens, our healthy svelte and attractive writer has arrived home from helping orphans develop their own solar electric companies. Volunteer of course. They are such wonderful people once you learn to avoid asking what happened

[CUT TO FLOURESCENT NIGHMARE SEQUENCE]
[CUT BACK TO SCENE]

Deadpool;:
I told you to knock first mah.

Writer
Oh my.. are you writing fan fiction? You don’t know what you’re messing with! Those lawyers are brutal

Deadpool:
Hell no, I just write fan fiction about how fucked up Mayberry would be with Barney in charge.
This is just research.. I’m more a 60’s Adam West comic book show kind of guy..

CAMERA TILTS 15 DEGREES

Deadpool
oh shit. We definitely can’t use that.

DEADPOOL TILTS CAMERA BACK TO LEVEL

[EXT STORM CLOUDS GATHER AROUND THE APARTMENT COMPLEX]
[INT WINDOW]
Deadpool looks out window. whoa..

Writer:
The more this rant looks like a script the more powerful
it becomes. Only by your lazy writing style did you
avoid total immolation of the plot!

Deadpool:
I’m impressed. I tried using the tab key but it kept opening up your
arctic seal pornography folder..

Writer:
That’s private.
Wait, how did you do that?

Deadpool:
Simple, idiot, someone else is writing this scene.

Both characters look at camera.
[DURING SLOW FADE]
Deadpool:
Didn’t we already use this joke?

Director:
Just shut up.. writers..

subtitle
COMING SOON V/O and various corporate Flairs.

Bad time at the robot circus

it’s strange they way they do computer systems these days, some expert comes into an an area and installs a sophisticated network that connects back to the ‘mothership’ centeral office to manage all the transactions and dole out the hours and boxes of frozen fries.

I generally know computers so I go around fixing these things. just basic stuff, someone breaks a panel cover, regular maintenance, upgrades for the latest wireless box to draw customers into the building to do their virtual tasks.

The Managers are there for human relations, fixing a misfiled order, fire the stoner and rehire them a week later for paperwork. The computer is a monolith to not be touched and any sort of strange person may show up under authorization from the Main Company(tm) to mess with the wires and then the internet works again, that’s all they worry about.

So I get this listing, aninimatronic recalibration, priority one, and a great hourly rate. Had to go for it.

Amusement parks are strange things. I am of the theory that some of the mysteries of the ancient world are possibly just their civilization’s equivalent to a disneyland resort park. It’ s just what got left over. But that’s not the point.

Instead of everyone traveling to Florida or California, this company (confidentiality agreement) had decided to branch out into miniature automated versions of their theme park. But after a merger of their film properties, the theme parks were expanded to include elements of those films.

Apparently an operator had loaded the wrong programs into all the Bozos.

[UPDATING]